


pullpushshove

by kiki_miserychic



Category: Lost
Genre: Episode: s01e08 Confidence Man, Gen, Implied Slash, M/M, Racism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 05:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiki_miserychic/pseuds/kiki_miserychic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sayid tries to make amends with Sawyer. Miserably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pullpushshove

“What? You come to beg for my forgiveness?” Sawyer recognized the way the figure’s shadow cast on the tarp and sand. He steeled his face and forced his eyes to dry out before turning to face Sayid, pushing the envelope to his side and underneath his side.

“Yes, I suppose so.” Sayid looked unsteady, not only in his footing, but in his manner. He had his pack strapped to his back, which he could have blamed for his inbalance, but in all honesty, it wasn’t his load that weighed him down.

“Well, get on with it, Apu.” Sawyer faced his direction, but hadn’t lifted his eyes to meet Sayid’s gaze. He hadn't even looked at his face, only his worn boots. Sawyer had expected to see Jack here before Sayid or even Kate. Maybe Jack had thought not letting go and fixing him back up was enough of an apology.

“We both know what my name is, Sawyer, and Apu is from India.” Sayid heaved the equipment onto the sand in the tent. It used to be Jack’s camping area, but since he had moved to the caves, Sawyer had claimed it for himself. Presently, it was serving as a hospital recovery room.

“Now, what I don’t understand is how you guys do what you do for a heaven with 72 virgins.” The wide grin on Sawyer’s face told Sayid that there would be a sharper punch line to follow. Sayid begins to go through his pack, obviously searching for something. Sawyer watches, but doesn’t comment.

“Those are the actions of a few and, therefore, they do not dictate the beliefs of the entire people and their faith.” Sayid had grown tired of constantly defending religion to a man whom he assumed knew nothing of a higher power. He found what he was looking for. It was a small leather pack, which he opened to take out an airline alcohol bottle. At first Sawyer assumed that it contained what the label proclaimed, but then he realized that it was filled with a thick brown substance.

“I’m just saying that I’d take one good whore over 72 virgins any day.” Sawyer made his joke and looked to Sayid’s face to see the fallout, hoping for a rise out of the man.

“There must be a reason that we were the only ones to survive this. Have you ever thought of that, Sawyer?” Sayid ignored the remark while he remembered seeing painting of a child desperately clutching to the string of a large balloon in a magazine from America. The balloon had been trying to float off into the sky. There was something about the child’s face trying to remain calm and unconcerned while he was terrified that reminded him of Sawyer. Like somehow he had managed to never grow up. Ranting and raving all of his emotions out onto the sand, like a painting. Once he got bored with it he could kick the sand to cover them up and make something new. But were those feelings real or were they the perception of how he thought people wanted him to see? There was not a way to figure it out, instead Sayid brought out a portion of leftover boar meat to join his makeshift bottle of tree sap that Sun had forged and given out.

“What? Like we’re all connected? You think that there’s a reason we’re all here on this Island? The ass fell off the plane and you want to think it was the hand of God? This Island makes you think too much.” Sawyer had gone beyond ridiculing religion. He had went into the territory of bringing a belief system into question. He watched Sayid dip a piece of boar meat into the homemade syrup making certain that every inch was perfectly coated evenly.

“The doctor said that you need to eat foods with plenty of protein.” Sayid explained, handing the strip to Sawyer.

“Aww, didn’t know ya care that much about little ol’ me.” Sawyer laughed callously to himself, but took it without question only to have the satisfaction of demolishing Sayid’s hard work. It did not seem worth the trouble to Sawyer, but it did to Sayid.

“I want to know why you did not try to stop me by telling the truth about the girl’s medicine.” Sayid wanted to be blunt and get to the point with this conversation.

“Would you of believed me?” Sawyer replied simply, titling his chin down, so that he had to look up from his eyelashes at Sayid.

“I cannot lie and said that I would have, but I have to think that I would have.” Sayid does not wish to look at Sawyer, knowing that guilt would wash over. Sayid lifted his head despite that fact and felt that familiar twinge that started in his chest and left a black, hallow feeling in its wake.

“Ya see, soldier boy, I don’t think it woulda.” Sawyer wanted something more than a look of shame on the other man’s face. Sawyer wanted anger, fire, anything that didn’t mean he was weaker.

Sayid kept silent, subtly shifting his weight onto the different balls of his feet.

“I think you liked having that power. No one cares about Sawyer, so why not smack ‘im ‘round a bit to get the answers you want? If it wasn’t for Miss Hot Lips, I’d be rotting in that jungle.” The sarcasm had gradually left Sawyer’s voice, leaving intensity. With that Sayid’s cool, calm exterior slipped away as his arms shot out to hit, scratch, shove, pull, anything that could be considered violence. Sawyer had expected it, but made no move to defend himself and Sayid noted his inaction before he landed a single blow. Sayid opted instead to hold Sawyer by the upper arms in case his new found passive nature decided to change again.

“Stop.” Sayid commanded, not making himself completely clear. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a way to settle everything. Sawyer reared up against Sayid’s grasp again, his manic grin lost. Blood seeped through the once clean white bandage that the Cardboard Doc had so dutifully secured onto him while he was unconscious.

“No.” Simple answer was all either of them needed.

“Sawyer, stop it.” Sayid thought that reason might work.

“Make me,” Challenged Sawyer and Sayid accepted by squeezing tighter until Sawyer blacked out from the pain and the lack of pain medication.

Sawyer came to thinking that it had only been a matter of moments that he was out, but he thought twice when he saw his bandage had been replaced. The handiwork wasn’t quite as skilled as the first one, but he accounted for that considering Sayid wouldn’t have been the one to patch people up after maiming and torturing them.

He looked around nonchalantly, thinking he might turn to find Sayid waiting to go another round like he had found Kate earlier, but no dice. Just footprints that hadn’t faded in the sand.


End file.
